


same as me

by talkfastauburn



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Babies, Cancer, Character Death, Childbirth, Eventual Happy Ending, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Gen, M/M, Sad, Sick Luke, This Is Sad, calum isnt here sorry, dad!luke, i wanted to make him the lady’s baby daddy but i didnt know how, like i cried while writing it sad, like really sad, lol, luke also has cancer, luke has a Kid, not really but kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkfastauburn/pseuds/talkfastauburn
Summary: I think how odd it is that maybein the same bed that I was born ina persondied.a-ashley dunor,the one in which luke dies, but life always comes full circle
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Kudos: 8





	same as me

**Author's Note:**

> this is ,, so sad. but its also kinda heartwarming in a way??? idk. i like it! but it made me cry so.

_sometimes my brain  
crawls into a dusty corner  
clawing through the dark  
and I think how odd it is that maybe  
in the same bed that I was born in  
a person  
died.  
the same blue scrubs  
hovering over his  
hollow body in the  
same spot that  
my existence began and  
we both stepped out screaming  
sometimes my brain  
wanders into waters too deep  
struggling to breathe and  
I think how my life is  
as fleeting as a  
moth’s wing  
drawn to the light  
not realizing  
it’s fire and I’m  
doused in  
gasoline_

_-ashley dun_

_-  
July 16, 2005 _

A woman lies in a hospital bed, her hair tied behind her head and her eyes squeezed shut. Her hand is clasped tightly in that of her mother’s, as the doctor stands at the other end, telling her to just push, he’s almost here. 

She cries, and she screams, but it’s worth it when she sees her little baby boy not too long after, wrapped up in a small blue blanket. She holds him and she cries again, but it’s happy this time. She rubs her thumb across the baby’s cheek, a large smile across her face. 

He’s taken away from her, just for a couple hours, for check ups and a feeding and a bath. 

He’s away from her, and she brainstorms for names. She hadn’t been able to choose before now, but she looks down at the plastic railing on the bed she’s lying on. 

There’s something carved in, and some numbers. And then it all falls into place. 

_Ash+Luke  
1996_

Maybe it’s a sign. She’d been thinking of the name Luke. It’s cute, and it’s biblical, which is important. And she comes to her conclusion. 

Luke. His name is Luke. 

-

_April 13, 1994_

_They’re happy, so happy._

_Luke and Ashton, and Luke’s six year old daughter._

_They’re doing amazing._

_They’re so happy._

_But then it all crashes down._

_Luke keeps getting headaches. They’re splitting and so painful. And he doesn’t understand why none of the medicine works._

_He goes to the doctor, and he has to undergo a bunch of tests and scans and it sucks because he had a headache the whole time._

_The doctors say it’s a tumor. Right on his brain. Cancerous. Luke has cancer._

_How is he supposed to tell Ashton?_

_The doctors said it can’t be removed. He’d die either way. It’s spreading so much, way too fast. And if they were to operate, they’d remove a vital part of his brain and there’s a high chance he’d never be the same again._

_He leaves the doctors office with a plan. He’s going to tell his boyfriend tonight, he has to._

_Ashton knows he went to the doctor, expecting Luke to come back with some high strength new meds but this is so much worse._

_Luke tells him that night while they’re laying in bed. His head is on Ashton’s chest and Ashton is rubbing circles into his back._

_“Ashton?”_

_The older man just hums in response._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_Ashton is confused, which is reasonable, and he sits up, Luke still laying against his chest._

_He asks what Luke means, and the words he hears next break his heart more than anything he’s ever heard in his entire life._

_They hurt more than when his dog died or when his mom told him they were moving to a different country or when his dad left._

_“They said I have cancer.”_

_Ashton’s heart stops. Or so he thinks, because from where Luke was laying, his left ear right over Ashton’s heart, it just sped up._

_“Luke, no,” Ashton feels tears falling now. He doesn’t know what to do. Luke can’t have cancer. No, he can’t. This is all a misunderstanding. It has to be_

_“I’m so sorry, Ash.”_

_Ashton’s crying now, full on sobs coming through._

_Luke is calm though, somehow. He doesn’t understand it, why his heart is beating at the same rate it always does and why he’s not crying._

_“Luke?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Are you gonna survive?”_

_Luke shakes his head._

_Ashton cries._  
  
-

Little baby Luke is an angel. 

He rarely cries, and he’s got these gorgeous bright blue eyes. There’s a thick clump of light blonde hair on the top of his head. 

He’s perfect. 

She loves him, and she never wants to let him go. 

She wonders about the Luke carved into the bed. Who is Ash? A girlfriend? Wife? Maybe she had their baby in this very same bed. 

The woman likes that thought, a father named Luke meeting his little one for the first time in the same bed that she met hers. It’s cute, she thinks, it’s funny. 

There’s a doctor here who she knows, a Dr. Clifford, she could ask him. The man had been there for a long time, she knows. Maybe he knows of this Luke. He’d been here since ‘91. 

A nurse walks back in, a little blue bundle in her arms and the woman’s face lights up. 

“Hello, little Luke.” 

-

_May 13, 1995_

_It is Luke's daughter’s birthday._

_Beth’s turning seven, and she refuses to have a party._

_“B, you could have a really fun party with all of your friends at the roller rink. Why aren’t you going to?”_

_The little girl was quiet, and she looked up at Ashton, and then her eyes flicked the picture of Luke on the wall._

_“Daddy can’t roller skate if he’s in a hospital, Ashy.”_

_Ashton’s heart breaks, and he envelopes the young girl in a big hug. “Your dad really wants you to enjoy your birthday, sweet girl.”_

_They stood there, hugging for a while, when the little girl spoke up again._

_“Ashy?”_

_“Yeah, Bethy?”_

_“Is my daddy gonna die?”_

_-_

__

Little Luke’s having complications, they told her. 

He wasn’t breathing properly and she hadn’t seen him in six hours. 

A doctor walks in, and she’s terrified. This is Dr. Clifford. She’s seen him around, and he looks sad, and she’s never been so scared.

“Where is he?” 

The doctor sighs, “he’s okay. They have him on a breathing machine right now. But he’ll be okay. I promise.” 

The woman feels her fingers tracing the names carved into the bed. “How do you know?”

“He’s a strong boy. You gave him a good name.” 

She looks down at the names in the wood arms of the bed, and she looks back up. “It felt right.” 

-

_January 12, 1996_

_Luke’s not doing so good._

_He got put on a breathing machine yesterday, and the noise scares Beth._

_He just wants to take the tube off of his mouth, rip the needles from his arms and hug his little girl._

_But he’s too weak, he can barely stand. He doesn’t know how much longer he can take this. He doesn’t think he can do this anymore._

_He tells Ashton the same, and the man gets so upset that Luke wishes he could die right then so he couldn’t see Ashton’s face anymore_

_“Don’t say that, Luke. Please. Don’t give up. It’s hard, I know it’s hard-”_

_“You don’t know shit, Ashton!”_

_The man recoils, and his hand slips from Luke’s._

_Luke’s palm feels cold._

_“Luke..”_

_“It’s so hard, Ash. I don’t wanna do this anymore.”_

_He’s crying, and so is Ashton and Luke is so glad that Beth is with his mom today._

_“Everything hurts. It’s so hard. I’m tired, Ashton.”_

_His voice breaks on the name, and he thinks he can hear Ashton’s heart break in two._

_“I know, love. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to fight anymore if you don’t want to. You’re so strong. You can let go if you need to, but you have to say goodbye to Bethy first, okay?”_

_-_

__

They finally bring her baby back to her. 

Dr. Clifford comes back, and he sits in the chair next to her bed, and he laughs when Luke curls his little hand around the doctor’s pointer. 

“He’s a pretty one, isn’t he?”

She nods. “The prettiest.”

Dr. Clifford clears his throat. “I had a friend named Luke. About 10 years ago. Wanna see?” 

“Um, sure.”

He pulls out his wallet, and removes a folded photo. It’s of a man in a hospital bed, another man to his left side, and a little girl in his lap. “Luke was the one on the bed. The other guy was his boyfriend, Ashton. And that,” he pauses, pointing at the little girl, “is his daughter Beth.”

She frowns, “why are you showing me this?” 

The doctor sighs, and presses his thumb against the names carved into the bed. 

Luke and Ash. Ashton.

“Oh my god,” she looks down at her little boy, and she feels a sob coming through. 

“This wing used to be the cancer wing before the remodel in 2000. He was in this room. A brain thing. It was really hard, you know? I was there, uh, when he said goodbye to Ashton and Beth. It was the worst. But I think they’d be really happy to know what his bed has become. You know there’s been 8 little boys come out of this bed named Luke?”

-

_May 27, 1996_

_Luke’s never felt this weak. His eyes won’t stay open and he can’t lift his left hand from the bed._

_He told the nurses to call Ashton. He can feel it, now. It’s coming soon._

_The man shows up, a half asleep Beth resting on his hip._

_“Lukey..”_

_Luke can barely pick his head up._

_“Ash?” It comes out quiet, unintentionally so. He wants to just hold his family, tell them he loves them, but he can’t breathe._

_He moves his hand the best he can and places it on top of the carving._

_“Daddy?”_

_He hears it, but it doesn’t register in his mind._

_The word comes again, but more frantic, louder. “Daddy!”_

_She’s yelling and crying and Luke hates this. He wants to pick her up one last time. “Bethy, lo’ you, ‘kay? Da’ loves so much. So muh, Beth.”_

_He doesn’t think he’s easy to understand, especially to her. He hears a sob, but he doesn’t know if it’s Ashton or Beth. He feels a small hand on his knee and a bigger one on his cheek._

_“I love you so much, Luke Hemmings. So much. It’s okay, love. You can go. Don’t worry about us. We’ll see you again, some day. I promise. We’ll see you. I love you, alright. Me and Bethy will be okay. I promise. You’re alright, love…”_

_The voice is still going but Luke’s eyes feel like they’re rolling back into his head. His lungs are squeezing, like he’s choking from the inside and his head hurts. His head hurts so bad._

_“I love you, Daddy. I love you so much! I’ll talk to you every day! I swear.”_

_“Love, Ash,” he manages to squeeze out those words. It’s not what he meant to say but he knows that Ashton understands. He knows that Ashton will remember that for the rest of his life._

_He feels his chest tighten and a tear fall from his eye. He gives a weak smile as he tightens his eyes and groans when Ashton wipes the tear from his cheek. He can hear Beth crying, can feel the nurse pulling her from the room so she doesn’t have to see this. Hears Ashton tell the doctors to stop. To not touch him, to let this happen._

_Luke is glad. He doesn’t want to get this close to release and wake up again. He’s so tired._

_He’s numb now but he can feel it when Ashton presses a kiss against his cold lips, one last time._

_He hears the whisper in his ears. “I love you. I love you so fucking much, Lukey. I love you. Go ahead, baby. Let go.”_

_And he does._

-

The woman is crying as the doctor finishes the story. 

“Do you tell that to everyone who gets this bed?”

Clifford shakes his head. “No, actually, you’re the first.” 

“Why? Why me? Didn’t you say there were like eight other Lukes from here?” 

The doctor smiles. “You look just like Bethy.”


End file.
